Day 18
Despite all this, I am determined to see the goodness of God while I am yet living.
Psalm 27:13
“
O God of my heart,
peel back the night
and let the starlight
pour out upon
my upturned face.
Let my eyes drink
a sky of stars.
Let my heart bathe
in the stunning light
until my soul sings again
with the conviction
of the faithful.
In your mercy and justice,
O God of my heart,
call me by name,
and the stars will shine
once more,
as they did
on that morning
when they first began
to sing.”
from Lament Psalm 27
The Star is one of my very favorite Tarot cards. In the arc of the Major Arcana, it follows the Tower, with all its chaotic growing pains.
The Star promises that goodness can be wrung out of your pain. She isn't saying that you needed to suffer in order to learn a lesson or receive a gift. Instead, she is reaching out to offer you a healing balm.
While teshuvah can often be painful--revisiting past hurts, putting ourselves at risk of rejection--the point of teshuvah is not more pain, but less.
We are not trying to punish ourselves or others for the wrongs we have done, but to put a salve on the wounds, bandage them up, and begin the slow process of healing.
(geeky side note: the Hebrew word usually translated as 'atone' literally means 'to cover over')
This card is quite literally a guiding star on your journey of teshuvah, a place to aim your compass. Remember why we are doing this, why we are digging up our pain, why we are facing our demons
Remember, too, or come to believe, that you have incredible capacity for this work of healing. You are made of stardust, of the stuff of the Universe, and you can tap into those resources for this work. It's worth doing.
As we peel away our layers of pain, the siege walls between us and vulnerability, the masks we hide behind, our inner light begins to shine. Let that light come to the surface, and it will point you home.
What is your guiding star?
What healing are you working toward?
What goodness have you begun to discover beneath the surface as you do teshuvah?