Day 3
When hateful bullies gang up on me, wanting to harass me, to oppress and terrorize me, they are the ones who stumble and fall.
Psalm 27:2
The Emperor / The God
This card belongs to the Major Arcana, the collection of 22 Tarot "trump" cards, which represent the major archetypes of human life. It, along with the other 21 "majors" is what we might call, a Big Fucking Deal. When these cards show up, we pay attention. They make an excellent wake-up call.
The Emperor, called The God in this deck (The Shadow Elemental Tarot), represents the systems and structures operating in our lives, the power dynamics that shape both the outcomes of our actions and our ability to make decisions at all.
The Emperor / God asks us to wake up to the ways in which we are and are not in control of our lives and decisions, and how we control and impact the lives and decisions of those around us.
Ani L’Dodi V’dodi Li
The name of this Jewish month, Elul, is sometimes said to be an acronym for the words above, a verse from the Songs of Solomon (6:3). These words are usually translated, "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine." A more literal translation is, "I am to my beloved and my beloved is to me."
The second translation is especially appropriate for Elul, as we talk about turning toward, turning to our beloveds: our deepest selves, our family and friends. Eventually, we may be able to see the entire world as part of a beloved whole.
Actually, I find myself wondering whether it is the case that we turn toward another who is already beloved in this month, or whether it is in the turning that the other becomes beloved to us.
Teshuvah and Power
It can be difficult to turn when we feel constricted on all sides by an oppressive, powerful system, whether that is our family, our government, our our religious structures. This is why full teshuvah can never happen without reciprocal turning, and Beloved cannot happen alone.
You must forgive yourself for the ways in which you have fallen short of healing and transformation because of these constrictions. This is not making excuses. This, too is the work of teshuvah.
Complete repair, full reorientation, total healing... these simply cannot happen independently or individually. This is part of why we come together this month.
It is not enough for you to turn and apologize to thin air, it is not enough for you to forgive someone who has not bothered to change their ways. Those are necessary, but not sufficient. You cannot create change alone, and if you feel like a failure or like your work is not good enough because you have not fixed everything, it's time to turn and let go.
You must ask yourself which part of the work is in your power to do, and then do it. Ask yourself where and how you might develop allies and build more and collective power. How might you find or create another Beloved who may turn with you in the season of teshuvah, and join you in the repair of yourself, your relationship, your community, the world?
Questions for reflection
Please do not try to answer all of these questions. Listen for the one or two that call you —which ones are yours to do— and give them all of your attention.
Who will you be "to" this month? Do you have a beloved who needs you to turn your face in their direction and give them your attention? What do you need to say to them?
Is there an "other" in your life whom you need to turn toward in order to begin the process of transforming them into a beloved? What might that look like?
What are the systems at play in your life who hold power over you? Can you forgive yourself for the ways you have stumbled because of them?
Do you need an apology from God? If God turned toward you in this season, what would you hope to hear? What would be enough to earn your forgiveness?
Thank you for trusting me to guide you on this journey into yourself this month, Beloved. You are to me, and I am to you. We're in this together.